Football and music: two of my biggest passions in life, and the settings for my first two novels: Dead Man Singing centring on the music industry, and my follow up Foul and Fair (due to be published in July 2024), a tale of dirty tricks and moral dilemmas in the murky world of children’s grassroots football. Here’s a blog post to combine the two.

At a gig in December, which I’ve already blogged about here, I heard a fantastic cover version of one of the finest songs ever written, Jimmy Webb’s 'Wichita Lineman'. The song represents the honest dignity of a hardworking regular man, as well as offering a glimpse of the rich inner life that passers-by would miss but which is revealed by the words of the song. A pun on the title gave rise to the following affectionate parody, reflecting on the way that football fans up and down the country can be guilty of haranguing officials without necessarily thinking about the person behind the whistle (or, in this case, the flag). Enjoy.

I am the linesman at Notts County
And I'm flagging for offside
As your striker moves too soon for a pass that comes from wide.

I hear the catcalls in the grandstand,
I can hear you start to whine,
But the well-oiled offside trap
Was holding the line.

I know I need my eyesight tested
And I don't know my father's name,
But without the likes of me
You know there'd never be a game.
And you could do better than I can;
You know I hear that all the time,
But it's the Notts County linesman
Who's still on the line.

And you need me more than hate me,
And you hate me for all time.
And the Notts County linesman
Is still on the line.

 

Photo accrediatation:

"Everyones favourite Linesman" by joncandy is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0.