P is for Parents.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that the worst thing about being a grassroots football coach is the parents. For the most part, I was very lucky with the parents of my West Moors boys, but that isn’t always the case. The character of Rob in Foul and Fair isn’t based on any one person in real life, but like Kieran is an amalgam of several unhelpful parents from real life

Parents and coaches see things differently. For a lot of parents, whether they are football fans or not, everything is often seen through the perspective of how it affects their child. I understand that, and I’ve stood on touchlines supporting my eldest son in games where I’m not involved in a coaching capacity. You’re instinctively aware of whether they are getting their fair share of game time, or whether teammates are trusting them with the ball. You look to read body language, to seek any hint of how they are coping with any on-pitch setbacks. As a coach you are looking for those indicators too, but with a wider focus. Some parents are good at balancing that perception with an awareness of how the team is doing, while others are, understandably, focused only on their own offspring.

I’ve heard horror stories about entitled parents who regard their child as the star of the team and expect them to be treated as such. I know of parents storming out of end-of-season awards in a fury, because their child was ‘only’ given one of the main awards, rather than taking three or four home. I’ve heard of a parent insisting that their son will only play for the school team if they are made captain (the teacher concerned, to their credit, refused to be dictated to). Personally, I’ve had parents come to me to insist that their child is wasted in defence: a position where, apparently, lesser players are deployed. When I asked about another of our players who regularly played in defence and was happy there, they dismissively replied that the other lad ‘knew his limits’. They didn’t have an answer when I asked if Bobby Moore was wasted in defence.

There are lots of ways parents can be a pain. The thing about football is that at any level it’s a game of opinions. Not everyone will see things the same way, and it’s entirely common for young players to hear their dad on the touchline telling them to do something, when the coach has already told them that he wants them to do the exact opposite. It’s a no-win situation for the player, who then has to decide whose anger/disappointment (delete as appropriate) he would rather face. Football is meant to be fun for the children, and the more pressure we heap on them, the less they are likely to enjoy it. More than that, if we want our children to develop as players, to learn how to solve problems and make decisions on the pitch, we have to let them actually make decisions themselves, not just react to an adult bellowing for them ‘get rid of it’, to ‘take him on’, or whatever else in our wisdom we have decreed that they have to do. As a coach, I tried to give my instructions before the game and at half time, making in-game contributions more about encouragement. For the sake of their children, I’d recommend parents taking a similar line, even if you think you know better. Leave the coaching to the coaches, and just focus on supporting your child, rather than trying to play the game for them. They’ll enjoy the game all the more for it, and probably develop into a better player too.